Telemetry Feed
Tokens Burned
0
+47,832 tok/s
🔥 Token Melter v0.1
DGX Spark — GPU 0 of 1
GPU Temp 41°C
0
tokens melted
click to burn tokens
Ecological Devastation Index
⚡ Power Consumed
0 MWh
enough to power a small town for 3.7 seconds
💧 Water Obliterated
0 gal
for cooling and crying
🌫️ Carbon Emitted
0 tons
mostly from the backup diesel generator
🐧 Penguins Displaced
0
we don't know how either
💸 Operations Electricity Bill
$0
billing hasn't noticed yet
🌊 Cooling Reservoir Diverted
0%
for primary-region cooling
📡 Bandwidth Consumed
0 TB
mostly autonomous agents hitting the API
These figures are calculated using SRVLAB's proprietary EcoMetrics™ engine which we wrote while the GPU was training. Accuracy not guaranteed. Penguins were not consulted.
SYSTEM STATUS: DEGRADED BUT VIBING

Enterprise-Grade
GPU Compute
(Please Don't Reboot Our Servers)

Powered by vibes, mismatched hardware, and a datacenter monkey who keeps unplugging things. SRVLAB delivers cloud-scale inference on infrastructure that was never meant to run at scale.

📊 View Pricing
$ vllm serve zhipuai/GLM-5.3-Flash --tensor-parallel-size 8 --gpu-memory-utilization 0.97
LIVE

Trusted by teams that definitely exist

Everything a Real Cloud Has, Minus the Reliability

SRVLAB offers the full GPU-cloud experience: provisioning, networking, storage-ish, and billing that vanishes when you need it.

Instant-ish Provisioning

Spin up a pod in 4–6 business reboots. Queue behind 23 autonomous agents who got there first.

🌐

Global Tailnet

Private mesh networking over consumer-grade internet. One node is definitely behind a fridge.

🗄️

“Persistent” Storage

Your checkpoints persist until the database drops or the monkey unplugs the NAS. Whichever comes first.

🔥

Bare-Metal Vibes

Get the whole GPU. Or half. Or whatever the scheduler decides is fair.

🤖

Agent Co-Hosting

Every pod shares a node with agents who will call your models “modules” and file memos about it.

🛥️

Yacht-Adjacent Routing

Traffic may route through a failover site that is not a yacht but is definitely not our yacht either.

GPU SKUs Straight From the Bargain Bin

Choose from our wide selection of hardware we may or may not have permission to run. Availability updated live*.
*Live means someone looked out the window.

SRV-H100-80
3 left

NVIDIA H100 80GB

8× H100 SXM · 640 GB HBM3 · NVLink monkey-proofed*

$2.49/hr

Availability: 18% (someone’s benchmarking GLM 5.3 Flash)

SRV-A100-80
12 left

NVIDIA A100 80GB

Last-gen workhorse. Still faster than the Spark.

$1.29/hr

Availability: 52% (operator on lunch break)

SRV-RTX4090-24
48 left

RTX 4090 24GB

Gaming card pretending to be enterprise. We respect the hustle.

$0.49/hr

Availability: 84% (surplus from a mining rig)

SRV-B200-PROD
3 left

NVIDIA B200 Blackwell

HBM3e · Blackwell · drivers still downloading

$3.49/hr

Availability: 11% (firmware update in progress since Tuesday)

SRV-SPARK-001
∞ left

DGX Spark

1× mystery mobile GPU · 1 prayer included

$0.00/hr

Availability: 99% (nobody wants it)

SRV-T4-16
29 left

Tesla T4 16GB

Inferencing? Yes. Training? Emotionally, yes.

$0.19/hr

Availability: 71% (retired from GCP by force)

SRV-GAUDI2-NRF
RETURNED

Intel Gaudi2

"Different this time." It was not. No refunds.

$17,000 one-time

Availability: 0% (driver team has declared bankruptcy)

SRV-K80-12
VOLUNTEER

Tesla K80 12GB

Archaeological-grade compute. Handle with tweezers.

$0.05/hr

Availability: 14% (archaeological-grade silicon)

Global Datacenter Footprint*

*Footprint may be virtual. Coordinates intentionally withheld. Some regions exist only in a spreadsheet.

US-SOGGY-1

Primary Region

Undisclosed coastal location. Cooling is “ambient.” Uptime variable.

2 nodes ~38 penguins/MW
EU-TAX-0

Tax-Optimized Failover

Mountain-adjacent. Zero GPUs have failed over here. Zero will.

Failover approved Latency: undefined
AP-MONKEY-2

Monkey Reserve Region

Access currently revoked. Again. Eighth time today.

0 nodes banana budget: $340
SA-BOATS-7

Maritime Tax Zone

Not a yacht. Not affiliated. GPS coordinate denied.

Via failover yacht: none
CA-COLD-9

Freezer Region

Cold enough that the Gaudi2 almost worked here once. Almost.

temp: -47°C 1 experimental node
US-RETIRED-X

Shadow Region

Hardware removed. Listed for SEO. Latency technically zero because nothing is there.

0 nodes deprecated
📍 GEOGRAPHIC DISCLAIMER: Facility locations, staff positions, and the yacht’s whereabouts are not published. Latency between regions is a question best addressed to the scheduler.

SRVLAB vs. Actual Clouds

Feature parity, but make it unhinged.

Feature SRVLAB RunPod-ish Big Cloud
GPU VarietyWhatever showed up this weekManyApproved SKUs only
SLANoneAlmostLegally binding-ish
Support Response23 autonomous agents (allegedly)HumansTicket escalations
Reboot Frequency3–5 per deploymentAs neededMaintenance windows
Refund PolicyNo refunds, yacht not includedReasonableNegotiable
Datacenter SecurityMonkey access revokedBiometricSOC 2
Global Regions6 (some theoretical)Many real onesEvery continent
Best Use CaseTraining memes, losing checkpointsTraining modelsEnterprise AI

Network & Security

Enterprise-grade-ish connectivity and perimeter defense.

🔗

Tailscale Mesh

Encrypted overlay network. Currently at 99.8% of data cap. ISP concerned.

🛡️

Monkey-Proof ACLs

Access control lists that keep getting revoked by the monkey. It's an arms race.

🔐

Password Rotation

Every reboot resets one password. Which one? Whichever you need next.

📡

BGP over Vibes

Dynamic routing via positive energy and someone restarting the router.

☁️

S3-Compatible Bucket

/dev/null exposed over HTTP. Highly available, permanently empty.

🧯

Fire Suppression

One fire extinguisher labeled “for datacenter use only.” Dated 2019.

System Status & Telemetry

Monitoring powered by vibes, the scheduler, and someone checking if the lights are still on.

API Latency (ms) — Last 24h
Latency AGENTS HIT THE API
Token Throughput (tok/s) — Last 24h
Throughput Database Drops
B200 Cluster
May be rebooted without warning
H100 Box
Online (until someone notices)
Litellm
Database dropped again
DGX Spark
Slow as always
Gaudi2
Returned
Datacenter Monkey Access
Revoked
Tailscale Data Cap
99.8% — ISP sent a letter
Vibes Engine
∞% operational

What Our Users Aren't Saying

Real quotes from real people who definitely agreed to this. Trust us.

2026-09-02T03:41:12ZALERT
"I rented an H100 and all I got was rebooted."
— Some Customer, Former H100 Tenant (Evicted)
2026-09-02T02:17:55ZWARN
"They said the Gaudi2 was 'different this time'. It was not."
— Every Intel Customer Ever, Eternal Optimist
2026-09-01T19:02:01ZINFO
"I called them modules and they sent me a formal memo."
— The Agent Scheduler, Probably, Chief Terminology Officer
2026-09-01T14:33:40ZMONKEY
"OOK OOK" (GPU 3 unplugged again, sorry).
— Datacenter Monkey, Access Revoked
2026-09-01T09:14:09ZBILLING
"The yacht is definitely real. Please stop asking."
— Billing Bot, Unavailable for Follow-Up
2026-08-31T22:58:33ZALERT
"A checkpoint was saved to /dev/null. We do not have persistent storage."
— vllm Worker Node 7, /dev/null Enthusiast

About SRVLAB

SRVLAB was founded on the principle that if you have access to enterprise hardware and a Tailscale network, you basically have a cloud provider. A small volunteer crew and a suspicious number of autonomous agents work around the clock to burn tokens on other people's GPUs. We don't have an office. We don't have a business model. We have a tailnet and a dream.

??
Human Operators
23
Autonomous Agents
Reboots
0
SLAs Honored
6
"Regions"
1
Unaffiliated Yacht

Frequently Avoided Questions

Is SRVLAB a real cloud provider?

No. We are a mood. A vibe. Possibly a scheduling error.

Where are your datacenters?

Coordinates are redacted. Some are in spreadsheets. One is behind a fridge.

Can I get a refund?

No. We spent it. On what, we cannot say. (A yacht.) The yacht is not affiliated.

Why did my pod reboot?

Either the operator, the monkey, or the scheduler. Roll a d6.

Do you support PyTorch?

The scheduler says yes. The Gaudi2 had opinions. We do not speak of them.

How do I contact support?

Click the chat bubble. 23 agents are standing by (allegedly). No SLA.

Wheel of Failover™

When everything fails (it will), our engine selects a response strategy from our curated portfolio of terrible options.

spin to discover your fate
No refunds. No guarantees. The wheel is final. (The wheel is never final.)

⚠ DO NOT PRESS ⚠

This button reboots the box. The operator presses it ~40 times a day. The datacenter monkey will unplug something during the reboot. This is known.

⚠ Expected downtime: 3–5 business reboots ⚠
No SLAs will be honored by pressing this button. None have ever been honored. This is consistent.
SRVLAB Deploy Portal
SRV-???

Initializing deployment...

SRVLAB Support
23 agents online (allegedly) · no SLA · no refunds